i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
