Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
