Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
