I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
