look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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