she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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