Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
