Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
