Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
