Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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