you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
