wrigley field is MILF paradise
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
