Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
