1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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