dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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