Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
