"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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