that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
