Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
