I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
