she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
