i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
