so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
