I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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