just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
