im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
