State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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