He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
