Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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