After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
