I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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