I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
