Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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