well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
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