Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
