i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
