Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Randomize
