Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
