We're like a lot better than the average bears
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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