Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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