I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
