Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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