Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
