Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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