The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
