i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
