Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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