So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
