I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
