I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
