I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
