are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
