everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
